Monday, January 16, 2006

The Movie Review: King Kong (2005)

My Pet-Pet.

1st impressions: Woa, shit! That looks awesome man…and it’s a Peter Jackson movie! How can you go wrong with the man that brought you Lord of the Rings™ trilogy?? This has to be good…I mean, I only got to watch 7 seconds of King Kong in the original 1933 movie…and that was in a documentary.

Got the ticket. I can't wait to see it!

Round 1...FIGHT!

1 Hour.

2 Hours.

3 Hours.

After the movie: King Kong? My ‘King Kong’ nicer to see la!

Seriously, it sucks. Boo-urns!

Ok, ok, I’ll be a lil’ less bias.

So you see, this is how the story of the big-ass gorilla goes (like there was a story in the first place) as quoted by

"Set in the 1930s, this is the story of a young and beautiful actress Ann
Darrow from the world of vaudeville who finds herself lost in depression-era New
York and her luck changes when she meets an over-ambitious filmmaker Carl Denham
who brings her on an exploratory expedition to a remote island where she finds
compassion and the true meaning of humanity with an ape Kong. The beauty and the
beast finally meet their fate back in the city of New York where the filmmaker
takes and displays the ape in quest of his fame by commercial exploitation which
ultimately leads to catastrophe for everyone including a playwright Jack
Driscoll who falls in love with Ann and plays an unlikely hero by trying to save
her from Kong and her destiny."

*Spoiler Alert! If you haven’t watch it then don’t bother watching, or if you insist, get the VCD/DVD from someone.*

I know Peter Jackson loves to make a bloody long movie…but with this kind of story how could he possibly make this movie 3 HOURS LONG? And King Kong only shows up like…an hour to the movie! So what’s on the 1st hour then? Ugh, lots and lots of Jack Black doing his best to save the movie from the start go! Oh, I’m quite disappointed with Naomi Watts’ and Adrien Brody’s acting. Not the worst, but it felt…flat.

I could go on and on about how bad this movie is, but I do want my sleep and I don’t want to delay this entry already. So I’ll give you my Top 10 W.T.Fs of King Kong 2005 edition:

10.) I don’t recall the movie explaining how the crew transferred the enormous beast to New York. Where did they put King Kong if that was the only ship to bring him to the big city? If not, if they called for help, how did help arrived? Wasn't Skull Island a secret island?

9.) The crew running away from the dinosaurs. That was just plain silly.

8.) Ann Darrow (Naomi Watts) is a supergirl la. Got pulled forcefully by King Kong with her wrists tightly tied to the pillars, yet she don’t feel pain on her wrists. Either Naomi Watts is a bad actress, or she’s really that damn strong.

7.) How in the world did King Kong adapt to the environment of New York so fast?? He got use brain wan is it? No animal, especially tropical animals can adapt to the shivering winter so damn fast la! In fact, King Kong should be going really wild because of the unfamiliar territory…

6.) King Kong can 'skate' on ice! Coolness…but wait up; how heavy is he? Shouldn’t the ice break with that massive weight?

5.) If you’re driving a car and there’s a big-ass gorilla behind you, would you actually give your car to someone else?

4.) Amazing Ann Darrow did not EVEN passed out / puked / got sick when King Kong was holding her while raping the T-Rexes. Even more amazing was that she can survive the whole time in the forest without food. Women must surely envy her.

3.) Peter Jackson made us focus on the side characters like Jimmy (Jamie Bell) and his relationship with Hayes (Evan Parke), and also Captain Englehorn (Thomas Kretschmann). With the exception of Hayes, what happened to the side characters when King Kong’s in New York?? So much screentime for these guys and yet not even a moment at the Big Apple? Jeez…what’s the point in developing the story of these characters then?

2.) Ann Darrow runs around New York, wearing just the white dress during WINTER. Wow, her skin is made of what?.... REDONKULOUS!

1.) Ann Darrow goes through the whole damn forest and yet her face and body are left UNSCRATCHED! WTF…her skin is made of what?? Better than steel…even better than King Kong! Only when Jack Driscoll (Adrien Brody) came to save her when King Kong was busy swatting the bats did she had a small scratch on her face. Sigh.

Yes, I clearly understand that this show was to be _illogical in the first place_, but I just can’t help but to feel annoyed that scenes that could have been logical became illogical. In his media release (i.e. newspapers), Peter Jackson did mentioned that the movie was to be as realistic as possible, but I guess he meant his graphics more than realism. Yes, the graphics are impressive, and so was the audio, but that still doesn’t justify paying RM10 and almost slept during the 3 hour movie. If he's following a lot like the original, then that's not very creative of he is he?

Maybe Peter Jackson chose the wrong type of King Kong. He should have directed this version instead:

Now THIS IS worth 3 hours.

Final score: 1 Pawn out of 5. Somehow people like this show though. So you do the judging.

Best Bit: King Kong ripping out the jaw of T-Rex, and the Empire State Building scene.

Game of 'Tag' goes extreme.

Worst Bit: Read the 10 W.T.Fs.

Naughty, naughty monkey.


Sigmoid said...

Sucky movie... but good and fair review. Hehehe... Oh loved that girl to be the king kong! Nice poster there!