Saturday, October 25, 2008

A sad and depressing announcement.

This is the saddest news I've heard since Jessica Alba's marriage.

Rough Translation:

Leah: I have something very important to say to everyone.
I want my fans to hear this from me first before they hear it from anyone else.
I have actually gotten married recently.

Fans: WHAT?!?!

Leah: And, I have am going to have a baby. (Literally: And, I have a baby in my stomach.)

Fans: WHAT?!

My family and I are overwhelmed with happiness.
I am going to take a break for a little while, but I will try to be back soon.

I am going to try my hardest, so please continue to support me.

Please do not throw me away/forget about me!

Fans: We're waiting for you!!!


WHY LEAH WHY!!!!!!!!!???!!????? :(

4 months pregnant somemore! And you have to marry some fucking hairstylist!? Argh, I hate all male hairstylist now!!!

Now I can no longer put you on my wallpaper anymore....

Now I need to find another Japanese Idol to replace you...but there's no one there that can replace your beauty!!

Ah, fuck it. I think I'll go pedophile and "idolize" the three below:

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

10 ways to make your karaoke session more fun and interesting

Singing at a karaoke centre is usually fun on its own, but let's make your Sing-K session a more memorable experience by doing any or all of the following:

Danger: You may get addicted to the Sing-K.

1) Be the backup singer - Rather than singing together with a partner, why not become his/her backup singer instead? Just sing only the last one, two or three words after your partner completes a sentence on a song! You can sing on your own pitch and comfort for this, but I highly recommend singing in a deep, bass-like voice for added comical effect.

(Song: Matchbox 20 - If You're Gone)
Partner: I think I've already lost you
You: (deep voice) Lost you...
Partner: I think you're already gone
You: (high voice) Gone...
etc, etc.

2) Change the lyrics - Ah, yes of course! What's more fun than to sing "Uptown Bitch" instead of "Uptown Girl"! Or changing Backstreet Boys' "I want it that way" to "I want a fat chick"? If you know a full spoof of a song such as the James Blunt parody "She was beautiful" then by all means sing that version. Oh, you can also sing it in a different language...preferably a direct translation from the original song.

(Song: James Blunt - You're Beautiful)
Original: You're're beautiful
Translated to hokkien: "Lu Jin Na Sui...Lu Jin Na Sui"
Original: You're beautiful, it's true
Translated to hokkein: "Lu Jin Na Sui, Chin Ehhhhh"

"She was...beautiful..."

3) Get distracted with the music videos - While the Chinese MTV mostly remains original, sadly the English MTV has been completely overhauled. So instead of seeing Matchbox 20 singing, what you get is a scenic view of Brisbane City way back in 1988, or watching this dude with the retro hair and big shirt walking on a street. Oh, and how can you sing a song when there's this hot girl in a bikini dancing and getting soaked at a beach!?

4) Sing to your loved one on the phone
- So you're in love with someone who's abroad? Your darling's in Australia studying while you're in Malaysia working? Well, why not show your love by singing her favourite love song on the phone!...while we giggle away at your attempt on Mariah Carey's "My Heart Will Go On" :)

5) Translate the lyrics for your foreign friend - Whenever you are not singing, or you were robbed of your microphone and the controller, you could help translate a song for a friend who does not understand the language. He/She could either be an ang mo, an ABC (American-Born Chinese) or simply a "Banana" (locals who can't sing Chinese like me...). However, don't just translate; do translate with the exact same tune as the singer!

Translation: Peace!

6) Attempt to sing a language using pin yin or roman characters
- For the "Banana" people like myself this goes beyond entertainment; this is one of the best ways to get those hardcore Chinese-educated who despise non-Chinese-speaking folks to respect you. What I did was to print out a Pin Yin translation of Michael Wong's "Fairy Tale" (GuangLiang - Tong Hua) [(童话) 光良] and sing it. Heads will turn once they discover it is YOU and not one of their Ah Lian friends singing that famous song. Oh yes, they will laugh at your mispronunciation, but hey, at least they know you made an effort to learn Chinese. Even better if you can sing it even better than them.

Example of Pin Yin:
(Song: Michael Wong - Fairy Tale)
Wo yuan (yao) (hui) bian cheng tong hua li
Ni ai de na ge tian shi
Zhang kai shuang shou Bian cheng chi bang shou hu ni
Ni yao xiang xin Xiang xin wo men hui xiang tong hua gu shi li
Xing fu he kuai le shi jie ju

7) Do facial and body expressions
- Sitting down and watching the screen while singing is boring! Instead, clinch your fist high up in the air if you're singing on high-pitch, or point and look at someone the eyes and sing like you really mean what the lyrics say...then do a funny face like crossing your eyes and sticking your tongue out.

A prime example.

8) Do the hip-hop/rap vocals - Yea! Yea! Uh-oh! Come on now! Yo yo...check it out, you gotta add the sound effects after each line! Doesn't matter if it's a slow song or a fast song, you just get a backup singer to do all the 'Yea! Come on baby!" after each sentence.

(Song: Celine Dion - My Heart Will Go On)
Singer: You'*yea! uh-oh!)..wheneeeeverrrr you arreeeee (*yea! that's right!)
* (backup singer)

9) Deliberately sing in different pitch
- You know how the Bee Gees sing their songs? That all cute and funny high-pitch voice of theirs? Well emulate that voice while you sing Robbie William's "She's the One"! Or you could do a Metallica/Slipknot over the song "When You Say Nothing At All" by Ronan Keating. Oh, your favourite songs would never sound the same again after that stunt.

And lastly...

10) Do a "Ken Lee" - Yes, do what Valentina Hasan did for her version of Mariah Carey's "Without You": Grabled it up! Just cincai sing and you will be famous...

(Song: Valentina Hasan - Ken Lee)

No one ken to ken to sivmen (No I can’t forget this evening)
nor yon clees toju maliveh (Or your face as you were leaving)
When I gez aju zavateh na nalechu more (But I guess that’s just the way the story goes)
New yonooz tonigh molinigh (You always smile but in your eyes)
Yon sorra shooo (Your sorrow shows)
Yes ee shooo (Yes it shows)
Ken Lee tolibu dibu douchoo (I can’t live If living is without you)
Ken Lee Ken Lee meju more (I can’t give I can’t give anymore)

"Ken Leeee....Tulibu Dibu Douchoo!"

Thursday, October 09, 2008

Thought-Provoking Questions

I found some very interesting questions while I was surfing:

When you feel down, why do people ask what’s up?

If insects are so obsessed with bright lights, why don’t they fly off to the sun?

What happens if you die in your dream?

How are children supposed to take medicine if it’s meant to be kept out of their reach?

Why do people talk about ‘girlie’ things but never ‘boyie’ things?

Can you dream of having a dream?

What did the designer of the drawing board go back to when his/her original design was a failure?

Why do ‘a fat chance’ and ‘a slim chance’ mean the same thing?

Why does your nose run and your feet smell?

Why are there seeds in seeded grapes, but no bones in a boned fillet?

When people go mental, why do they get physically violent?

Why do we never hear of people coming from ‘left west’ or ‘right east’?

If you get a beer belly by drinking beer, do you get a pot belly by smoking pot?

If you can enjoy yourself, why can’t you enjoy anyone else?

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Hehe. More can be found here. Enjoy!

Monday, October 06, 2008

I ate worms for dinner!?

Nine days ago, Celeste came down to Kuching to write about the local delicacies of the city. Wanting to impress my Penangite friend (and wishing to become the #1 illegal tourist guide in Kuching someday), I brought her together with her colleagues to taste the wonderful Sarawak Laksa, Kolok Mee and Belacan Mee Hoon. Not to forget the Sarawak Layered Cake as well, which a friend of theirs brought them to.

While they seem to be delighted with the aforementioned dishes, my friend was asking for Iban delicacies, particularly Pansoh Manok (Chicken in Bamboo). As a Sarawakian I am shameful to say that I NEVER had Iban food in my whole life. Oh, the disaster!

As it was during the Raya period, it was difficult to find a proper Iban restaurant. The ones that were recommended by the Sarawak Tourism Board wasn't open. Just as I was about to disappoint Celeste and her mates by telling her the bad news, I discovered this restaurant.

Sure, it was a pub rather than a restaurant, but Ruai Bar (located at Jalan Green Hill) do serve Iban food. You should see my face when the owner said "Yes, we do serve Pansoh Manok!".

So we sat down and I told the waiter to feed us with Pansoh Manok, Midin Belacan (Forest Fern with Shrimp Paste) and other meals that screamed Iban-ish.

The waiter could only smile and said something like "lat ah long" and "asam punjabi". I had no idea what the heck he was saying but I said OK to it.

What turned out was a big surprise. A big, big surprise.

The first dish of course was the Pansoh Manok and the Midin Belacan.

After all the day's hype on the Chicken in Bamboo, I was sadly let down by the taste of it. While the taste of the bamboo was there, it was too mild for me and the chicken tasted too plain for my liking. The midin belacan was not bad though; crunchy and slightly spicy, just the way I like it.

The talking moment though was this:

"Er...what the fuck is that?..."



Then it hit me. What the waiter meant was not "lat ah long" but "ULAT MULONG".

My initial thoughts were simply "finally, I'm doing a Fear Factor". Then almost immediately, I had to have a look on Celeste's face.

Oh it was a classic! If you could imagine the look of fear, anxiety, disgust and trauma all rolled into one then that was how she looked...

Yeap, just like that.

According to the owner, these sago grubs "taste like chicken". I could believe it seeing the way it was cooked; I mean, you can't go wrong with stir-fried cute-little-thing with dried chilies, onions, garlic and ginger yea?

So I had a go at it:


On my initial bite, I tasted the juicy insides of the grub, together the crunchy head. I was definitely not accustomed to the initial taste, but the aftertaste definitely has that chicken flavour to this extraordinary meat!

It took me three sago worms to get used to the taste, and I had five altogether. Not bad for a starter. And as for Celeste, she took all her courage and had one piece of grub while her colleagues chickened, or rather, wormed out.

I'm proud of you girl! If not how la you are going to be a food critic? :)

Anyway, there was another dish called "kasam ensabi" (Local Preserved Spinach) rather that I thought was "Asam Punjabi". I like that salty taste of the vegetable, but at that time we were still bemused over the Ulat Mulong that I've completely forgotten to take a photo of the kasam ensabi.

In the end, it was quite an pleasure for us to experience the forest food Iban people take for generations. It was a pity that they didn't have Tuak (rice wine) to go along with the unique taste of the sago worms.

I can't wait to bring the next victim, er, tourist to taste this very special dish!

"Oh I'm so cute, look at my fine hair around my ass!"

You may also read Celeste's review on Ulat Mulong from the upcoming issue of Virtual Malaysia.